I'm Coming
by Gammaent
Summary: My take on Ensign Massaro and his actions and thoughts, plus a last minute realization [TnT].


I'm Coming

By: Gammaent

Disclaimer: Star Trek and everything affiliated with belongs to Paramount

A/N: Thanks to all those who review and comment!

I hear the deafening sound of a metal canister skittering across the floor, coming to rest with a haunting echo. I hear Trip's voice loud and clear "… but I don't want their damn power cells." I take a peek around the corner. He's with Sub-Commander T'Pol. Vulcans…damn them. Allies? I laugh to myself. Bet they enjoyed it when every last human died on Earth. Probably logical to kill illogical beings like us. Hell, if they had a single drop of emotion…

Then they wouldn't feel the way I do. Lisa. She was so beautiful. I'll always remember her in her wedding dress right before she said, "I do." That was six years ago. I loved her. So god damn much. The way we had sat on the couch on her birthday, rubbing frosting on each other's faces like we were five years old. God how I fell in love with her laugh, her eyes, her spirit.

Four years ago. She loved lilies, white lilies. I'd picked up some on my from Starfleet Research to the hospital where she worked. Kids, she loved kids. If there anything she wanted to be more than a pediatrician it was a mother. And finally. Six more months and I'd be holding a squirming little bundle of joy called Melissa, after her grandmother. The tests had confirmed it was a girl. Daddy's little daughter. I'd been wearing a smile for months now and I didn't care what anybody thought about it. I was going to be a Dad. I greeted her staff as I walked into her office. Down the hallway I saw her, back to me, tantalizing me with her long silky black hair. I took a few long strides and the minute I turned her around to give her the lilies I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were far away and sweat covered her brow. I eased her onto the floor as I yelled for help, panic setting in.

It's too painful to remember the details. Just that for the next month I watched her wither away, her nervous system degenerate as she came closer and closer to death. On the last night she turned her head and looked at me, and with a hand on her stomach and a sad smile, she said as if she knew the end had come, "Love you." And then she closed her eyes for the last time. I had sat there for hours, holding her hand, crying even when there were no more tears left, silently chanting her name. _Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…_

Three years ago. I sponsored a 17-year old orphan named Melissa to go to the University of Caracas. She wanted to be an exo-biologist and eventually join Starfleet. I had been so alone for a year but now I wasn't. Not anymore. Though I saw her only twice a month she became my everything. The daughter Lisa and I would never have. She was bright, charming and witty. It gave me something to do with the credits I had saved for the trip Lisa and I…it's just too painful.

Less than a year ago, Melissa was killed in the Xindi attack. I didn't know what to feel. Was every person I loved destined to meet the same fate? I was angry. So angry. It was irrational, but it felt good. Bastards. I was happy, beyond happy that my tour on _Enterprise_ began then. Oh how I would love to have a nice one on one chat with those bastards. Just my fist and their face and nothing in between.

The Vulcans. I still remember Soval's little speech of non-interference and peaceful solutions. Oh how I wanted to kill him, the arrogant son of a bitch. What did he know what it felt like to lose everything you cared about? What did he know about love, about pain, about compassion? Son of a bitch. He and every damn alien, couldn't leave humans alone could they? Couldn't let us be who we are. No. Bastards. Every single last one of them. It felt good to be angry. So good.

I realize that my thoughts have drifted. As my attention returns to the two, I see tears in Trip's eyes. In a defeated acceptance, shoulders sagging, I hear "She was my sister T'Pol, mah baby sister." I see the two of them interact. The hands on each other's shoulders. A few seconds later, he grabs her in a hug as he lets go of all that he's been holding back. The rumors couldn't be true. They couldn't. Trip wouldn't sell himself out like that, not to a Vulcan. God, it's disgusting. I want to scream 'Not like the Vulcan bitches did anything to helps us!' but I keep my mouth shut, ignoring what so clearly is in front of me.

* * *

It is true. O god, what I had denied just a few days ago is true. And it's disgusting, it's sickening. Trip just couldn't control his hormones, but even then, a Vulcan? My mouth tastes like something died in it. Lorian. A human and a Vulcan…I can't even think about it. How could a human do something like that with an unfeeling thing? God, it's like doing it with an animal.

* * *

Damn it. Damn it all. My fingers race through the samples picking up one after another. It's been a few months since we returned back from the Expanse. I've finally found people who understand me, who know how I feel. They know what needs to be done, what humanity truly needs. It's good to be angry. I hastily file through the samples reading off the names. Then I find it. Sub-Commander T'Pol. Now a male, any human male they said. But who? My eyes read the name of the next sample in the alphabetized list. Commander Tucker. And the disgust comes back again. That's what the traitor deserves, bastard. I grab the two samples and replace them with duplicates. Filing them all away, I exit Sickbay melting away into the corridors of the _Enterprise_ satisfied at knowing no one will notice.

* * *

I walk down the corridor, grabbing the phase pistol so tightly its imprint is burning into my hand. But I can't care. O god, what have I done? What have I done…

Just minutes ago I was in sickbay treating a cut on my hand from the last Verteron array attack. I can see the Commanders from here, kneeling next to the crib. The anger in me has quieted and a sickening sense of dread is replacing it. I don't know why.

I can hear their hushed whispers. Doctor Phlox is too busy to notice I'm still in sickbay. "Her name is Elizabeth" I hear T'Pol say in a voice so pained I can't believe it's from a Vulcan. Trip turns his gaze to her and simply says, "My sister would have liked that." They both continue to look at her, moving closer together without even realizing it. I see the Doctor step closer. I can't hear exactly what he says but I've never seen him without a smile. I catch bits and pieces, enough to know that she won't survive. Because of what I did. I can't see their expressions but it isn't to hard too imagine as they look at the Doctor and then immediately back to Elizabeth. They both have a hand against the glass, pawing at it as if they can stop what's happening, as if they can save her. I hear T'Pol whisper again "Her name is Elizabeth" as if that's all that needs to be said.

By now my throat hurts so much I hope nobody asks me to say anything because I won't be able to. The Doctor looks over to me and gives a sad smile. I don't do anything in return. I'm in shock. I can hear every heartbeat, each so loud because each one causes a pain deep inside my chest. Then I look over to the Commanders, and oh god what have I done. As Trip wraps his right arm around her waist and moves closer to her, I get a view of their reflections in the glass. He says a simple "She's so beautiful."

"She has your eyes." T'Pol turns to look at him, their faces so close together. Her eyes travel up and down his features, drinking them in.

"But she has your ears." He can't help but laugh a small sorrowful laugh as he says it. His eyes look upon her, repeating the same motions as hers. Even in their pain they play their small game, just as I imagine Lisa and I would have. Their heads come to rest together, T'Pol's hand still pawing away at the glass just so she can be a little closer. They keep their vigil in silence having said all that needed to be said. They don't notice my presence- to them nothing exists besides Elizabeth and their love.

Love. O god what have I done? That night in the Expanse when I saw them how could I have mistaken it for anything else?

I clumsily fall out of Sickbay, unable to keep myself balanced. I head for the nearest weapon's locker and grab a phase pistol.

That's how I ended up this way, walking down the corridor intent on finding the Captain. Words, images and memories fill my mind. None of it makes sense. I don't want it to make sense. If there is any coherent thought, it's only 'What have I done?'

I see the Captain. I speed up to catch him. Just as he enters the turbo lift I turn the phase pistol on him and say "Captain."

I don't hear anything of what he says. I just say, "I have to." Because I do, because I do.

He steps closer to me and I back away, scared that I won't be able to keep myself together. He's trying to get the phase pistol, but I won't let him. "I can't sir." The shame, the love, the despair, the loneliness, the anger, the sadness. They're all a mix and I'm shaking with the effort to do anything at all. Even breath.

"I wanted you to know that…" I know I have to say it "I'm sorry." It's meaningless.

As the rest comes out, I can feel tears threatening to spill but I won't let them. Never again will I cry. Never again. "I believed in what we were doing."

And I did. But now I realize that it was just my anger, my loneliness, my despair at losing Lisa. In a flash of clarity I see how misplaced my emotions have been. I was helpless to stop what happened to her, I just sat there and watched her die. And there was no one to blame. When Melissa died, it was Lisa dying all over again. Except this time there was a face to blame, a cause to join. It felt good but it was so wrong. That night in the Expanse I was jealous of Trip and T'Pol and the love they had found in each other. I can admit that now. How Trip had lost somebody but found love too, unlike me, who only lost and lost. Until I joined Terra Prime. I had justified to myself the nature of their love as merely lust. It had felt so good. And now Trip and T'Pol were watching and waiting for their daughter to die. A daughter they were meant to have but now will never have. A daughter they love just as they love each other. It wasn't about being human or Vulcan, it was about two individuals. What I had now robbed from them. O god, what have I done?

"Tell my parents I'm sorry." I close my eyes at the pain of all the emotions I feel. I can't even identify them. But my body burns with regret. I deserve the pain, I deserve it. The scene from Sickbay flashes before my eyes. The last words of Lisa echo through my ears, "Love you, love you, love you."

"I never meant anybody to get hurt." I see T'Pol pawing at the glass that separates her from her daughter.

I don't keep the emotions in anymore. I'm shaking so hard I can hear myself. I can feel the water in my eyes. I can feel the phase pistol pressing into my hair so hard a dull pain radiates from it. Just before I press the button a single five-word thought clears everything else from my mind. It brings me a heartrending happiness that I'm never meant to have. Not now. Not ever.

'_I'm coming Lisa, I'm coming.'_


End file.
